With no advantage, roll thirteen to hit And three D-4s for damages or pray for a crit. A two and two ones means I did barely shit But that’s just how the game is played. With my modifier, I hit for five, I’ll be lucky if I make it out of this one alive It’s five gold for a healing kit so try to survive At least until the party gets paid. Entrusting your life in seven little dice in Varying amounts, But no matter how you roll, It’s having fun that counts. It’s hard to keep track of how much everything weighs, The conversion of electrum and How much a job pays How long a turn takes and the time of the day, Got me pulling out my hair Numbers never really were my thing But the DM’s been taking me under his wing, If he handles the numbers, I can do my thing And I trust that he is firm but fair. Entrusting your life in seven little dice in Varying amounts, But no matter how you roll, It’s having fun that counts. Let’s see; 1,2,3,4,5, plus- wait, no 5,10, 15, 20 feet, then I go 2 times 3 plus this one then, I dunno. 1,2,3, so, I need one more d4 to throw Entrusting your life in seven little dice in Varying amounts, But no matter how you roll, It’s having fun that counts.

I woke up, hungover, one afternoon fair With a Paladin Halfling and a cranky owl-bear. A Dragonborn pirate without any boat. A Genasi assassin, and a Goblin named GOAT. With rushed introductions, we tried to recall How we wound up together, the six of us all. We’d nary a memory of the previous night, When the Owlbear awoke, we prepared for a fight. Singing chug-a-lug a mug of whiskey, chug a rum, chug a mug of rye United we profit, independent we die. So best pay us what’s owed, and then bid us goodbye Singing chug-a-lug a mug of whiskey, chug a rum, chug a mug of rye (Chug-a-lug a mug of whiskey, chug a rum, chug a mug of rye) We could easily kill him; it was one against five, Said I, “but this beast may be worth more alive.” We managed to coax him, all thanks to my charms, And the ogre-strength gauntlets on the paladin’s arms, We turned in the owlbear to the Guards of the town, With our goblin-friend knighted, we went underground. To uncover the mystery of why we were here, And how we got so sick, from such little beer, Singing chug-a-lug a mug of whiskey, chug a rum, chug a mug of rye United we profit, independent we die. With time, all our riches will reach to the sky, Singing chug-a-lug a mug of whiskey, chug a rum, chug a mug of rye (Chug-a-lug a mug of whiskey, chug a rum, chug a mug of rye) We fought giant rats, and a gelatinous blob We arrested some drunks, and a bandit named bob, Victory after victory, we now knew nothing more, Than the nothing we already didn’t not know before. The town of Dirkborough, we searched it clear through, And came out with barely a single new clue. We’d need information to aid in our search, So desperate for answers, we took to the church, Singing chug-a-lug a mug of whiskey, chug a rum, chug a mug of rye United we profit, independent we die. Should you face our blades, you best turncoat and hide. Singing chug-a-lug a mug of whiskey, chug a rum, chug a mug of rye (Chug-a-lug a mug of whiskey, chug a rum, chug a mug of rye) Though he had no new leads, the priest took us all in, And once we were rested, we’d set out again, By the grace of Meileikki, we slept until morn, When we woke, we were blessed with a young unicorn, The trail lead back to Bob, and it didn’t take long ‘Til we saw in his blank eyes that something was wrong, To the mayor’s abode, he would then try to hide, So without hesitation, we followed inside. Singing chug-a-lug a mug of whiskey, chug a rum, chug a mug of rye United we profit, independent we die. Bob’s brain was awash, and we soon would learn why, Singing chug-a-lug a mug of whiskey, chug a rum, chug a mug of rye (Chug-a-lug a mug of whiskey, chug a rum, chug a mug of rye) When the mayor appeared, and he summoned the guard, We were stuck ‘twixt a rock and a place that was hard. Then came the Captain, her new Owlbear in tow, And we soon found we’d no other route left to go. A powerful mage would then join the Frey, But my steadfast companions could keep him at bay, With the owlbear before me, I readied my lute, When a spell of silence then rendered me mute. Without music for magic, what was I to do? without Silver or Red, I’d be beaten black and blue. So I readied my blade, I gave it my best. But the owlbear’s gnarled claws tore through my chest. I then fell to the ground, my vision was... Hazy. But what I saw then... it may sound crazy, Some demon- some monstrous reptilian beast And a blaze, unknown flames, all hell was unleashed These ghastly figures began to descend, Took physical form and delivering, then, A fury of blows on our now cowering foes, The silence then lifted, and soon I arose With our enemies either unconscious or dead, The flames took the form of our Genasi friend, Red. Then seeing the calm come soon after the storm, The monster reverted to Dragonborn form. Our victims defeated, our party now healed, the crux of our journey would now be revealed The mayor was a copy, controlled by the mage, The real mayor’s corpse was found dead in a cage. Singing chug-a-lug a mug of whiskey, chug a rum, chug a mug of rye United we profit, independent we die. When we’re done with the land, we shall take to the sky. Singing chug-a-lug a mug of whiskey, chug a rum, chug a mug of rye (Chug-a-lug a mug of whiskey, chug a rum, chug a mug of rye) Evil was conquered and Dirkburrow free, A Paladin captain then paid us our fee, For you see it was she who hired us from the go, And that’s how we came to be the Heroes of Dirkbrough Financially upright, we’re champions and kings Forever prepared for what tomorrow brings, United we profit, independent we die, Singing chug-a-lug a mug of whiskey, chug a rum, chug a mug of rye (Chug-a-lug a mug of whiskey, chug a rum, chug a mug of rye)

Goerfeldt: Alright, team. I’ll admit, that one could have gone much better. If I’m being honest, I have my doubts we’re going to get paid this time. Silverfish: Yarr. Well, I’m out. Red: Yeah, this is probably a good time for us to part ways. Goerfeldt: What?! We’ve only just gotten started! That was a Drau in there, people! We couldn’t have stopped that! We did SURPRISINGLY well! - Look, I’ll write us another song. Something that will help to make Paladin Avalir see her way to compensating us for our troubles... It has to be meaningful. Something - Sad! GOAT! Your violin! GOAT: FIDDLE! Goerfeldt: Yes! Ok! Your fiddle! Play us something slow and sad. GOAT: YEH! [Strained fiddling] [Thud / Violin Stops] Goerfeldt: [Uncertain] Yeah. Umm... Okay, then. How about I lead, and YOU follow ME? *Strums* Oh, Selicia We completed your task, There may have been some complications, But We did as you asked Rotgrum lead us to Risengard, We ventured inside, We returned all the information That we could find. Oh, Selicia, Please be kind. Their ritual was already underway I retrospect, we should have planned some way To send you some form of communique To alert you in case of an emergency. (I suppose hindsight is 20/20?) We took a chance, we took some blows We took some damage, We killed some foes, But we couldn’t stop the hag, No matter what we tried The drow released, the cave collapsed With us all trapped inside. Oh, Selicia We completed your task, There may have been some complications, But We did as you asked We climbed out of the rubble, Beaten and bruised, And after all this abuse, We’ve come back to you, Oh, Selicia, Please be true. But now All that remains of the prison ruins Are some elvish documents and pictures of runes My personal notes, and some hand-drawn maps. Which aren’t of much use now that the cave’s collapsed, (But they might be worth more now that they’re artifacts?) If we had known, There was a chance, There would be dragons, We would have asked for pay in advance

GOERFELDT (Singing): When I first left the circus. I had no-where to go. In search of fame and riches, I dreamed of starting my own show. But then I met YOU reprobates, and now I think I know. That if we keep this band together, Our fortune's sure to grow. ULF: So, you're circus performers, then? RED: Ew, no. SILVERFISH: Do I LOOK Like a circus performer to you? Let me educate ya'. SILVERFISH (Singing): The name is Fairborne Silverfish, The law want me in jail. But keep that name under your hat; Dead dwarves tell no tales. When we get paid, you're on your own, I'll steal a ship and bail. GOERFELDT (Singing): But if we KEEP THIS BAND TOGETHER, There'll be no ocean you can't sail! (Chorus) So let's keep the band together We'll keep the law off of your tail If we keep the band together, There'll be no ocean we can't sail. ULF (Singing): Ulf; son of Rowf of Wolfsbrauen, I'm out on my epic walk. I help those who need helping Chat with folks who want to talk. Discussing recipes with distilleries Across the land, and around the clock GOERFELDT (Singing): And if we KEEP THIS BAND TOGETHER, You'll have plenty ale in Stock! GOERFELDT: Alright, Red. It's your turn! RED: Um, hard "pass" for me. GOERFELDT: Come on, it'll be fun. We all went. RED: Alright, if it'll get you off my back. RED (singing): My name, well, you can call me Red. Why I'm here, I'll try explain. I guess it's more to kill my boredom than it is for financial gain. If I weren't here, then these idiots would get themselves killed or maimed. GOERFELDT (Singing): But if we KEEP THIS BAND TOGETHER, We'll keep you entertained! (Chorus) So let's keep the band together though we may be a bit insane If we keep the band together, We'll be always entertained We've been together just a few short days, But it feels like it's been years, So when Freya and Goat went off on their own, My eyes welled up with tears. But with every dawn, the show must go on, Drown our woes in gold and beers, And if we keep this band together, we'll have nothing left to fear. So let's keep the band together! Drown our woes in gold and beer, If we keep this band together, we'll have nothing left to fear. RED: I think now's the time to set up camp for the night. GOERFELDT: Sounds good, team. I'll keep the first watch tonight. You guys just get some rest, and we'll head out at sunrise. GOERFELDT (Singing); I've not felt this close to anyone in, well, god knows how long. I'm not much in a fight, but this feels so right, It couldn't possibly be wrong. They've saved my hide a couple times, and they like my silly songs, And if we keep this band together, I'll have someplace I belong.