I woke up, hungover, one afternoon fair
With a Paladin Halfling and a cranky owl-bear.
A Dragonborn pirate without any boat.
A Genasi assassin, and a Goblin named GOAT.
With rushed introductions, we tried to recall
How we wound up together, the six of us all.
We’d nary a memory of the previous night,
When the Owlbear awoke, we prepared for a fight.

Singing chug-a-lug a mug of whiskey, chug a rum, chug a mug of rye
United we profit, independent we die.
So best pay us what’s owed, and then bid us goodbye
Singing chug-a-lug a mug of whiskey, chug a rum, chug a mug of rye
(Chug-a-lug a mug of whiskey, chug a rum, chug a mug of rye)

We could easily kill him; it was one against five,
Said I, “but this beast may be worth more alive.”
We managed to coax him, all thanks to my charms,
And the ogre-strength gauntlets on the paladin’s arms,
We turned in the owlbear to the Guards of the town,
With our goblin-friend knighted, we went underground.
To uncover the mystery of why we were here,
And how we got so sick, from such little beer,

Singing chug-a-lug a mug of whiskey, chug a rum, chug a mug of rye
United we profit, independent we die.
With time, all our riches will reach to the sky,
Singing chug-a-lug a mug of whiskey, chug a rum, chug a mug of rye
(Chug-a-lug a mug of whiskey, chug a rum, chug a mug of rye)

We fought giant rats, and a gelatinous blob
We arrested some drunks, and a bandit named bob,
Victory after victory, we now knew nothing more,
Than the nothing we already didn’t not know before.
The town of Dirkborough, we searched it clear through,
And came out with barely a single new clue.
We’d need information to aid in our search,
So desperate for answers, we took to the church,

Singing chug-a-lug a mug of whiskey, chug a rum, chug a mug of rye
United we profit, independent we die.
Should you face our blades, you best turncoat and hide.
Singing chug-a-lug a mug of whiskey, chug a rum, chug a mug of rye
(Chug-a-lug a mug of whiskey, chug a rum, chug a mug of rye)


Though he had no new leads, the priest took us all in,
And once we were rested, we’d set out again,
By the grace of Meileikki, we slept until morn,
When we woke, we were blessed with a young unicorn,
The trail lead back to Bob, and it didn’t take long
‘Til we saw in his blank eyes that something was wrong,
To the mayor’s abode, he would then try to hide,
So without hesitation, we followed inside.

Singing chug-a-lug a mug of whiskey, chug a rum, chug a mug of rye
United we profit, independent we die.
Bob’s brain was awash, and we soon would learn why,
Singing chug-a-lug a mug of whiskey, chug a rum, chug a mug of rye
(Chug-a-lug a mug of whiskey, chug a rum, chug a mug of rye)

When the mayor appeared, and he summoned the guard,
We were stuck ‘twixt a rock and a place that was hard.
Then came the Captain, her new Owlbear in tow,
And we soon found we’d no other route left to go.
A powerful mage would then join the Frey,
But my steadfast companions could keep him at bay,
With the owlbear before me, I readied my lute,
When a spell of silence then rendered me mute.

Without music for magic, what was I to do?
without Silver or Red, I’d be beaten black and blue.
So I readied my blade, I gave it my best.
But the owlbear’s gnarled claws tore through my chest.

I then fell to the ground, my vision was... Hazy.
But what I saw then... it may sound crazy,
Some demon- some monstrous reptilian beast
And a blaze, unknown flames, all hell was unleashed
These ghastly figures began to descend,
Took physical form and delivering, then,
A fury of blows on our now cowering foes,
The silence then lifted, and soon I arose

With our enemies either unconscious or dead,
The flames took the form of our Genasi friend, Red.
Then seeing the calm come soon after the storm,
The monster reverted to Dragonborn form.
Our victims defeated, our party now healed,
the crux of our journey would now be revealed
The mayor was a copy, controlled by the mage,
The real mayor’s corpse was found dead in a cage.

Singing chug-a-lug a mug of whiskey, chug a rum, chug a mug of rye
United we profit, independent we die.
When we’re done with the land, we shall take to the sky.
Singing chug-a-lug a mug of whiskey, chug a rum, chug a mug of rye
(Chug-a-lug a mug of whiskey, chug a rum, chug a mug of rye)


Evil was conquered and Dirkburrow free,
A Paladin captain then paid us our fee,
For you see it was she who hired us from the go,
And that’s how we came to be the Heroes of Dirkbrough

Financially upright, we’re champions and kings
Forever prepared for what tomorrow brings,
United we profit, independent we die,
Singing chug-a-lug a mug of whiskey, chug a rum, chug a mug of rye
(Chug-a-lug a mug of whiskey, chug a rum, chug a mug of rye)