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139. Mr. Genuine Hissfurther, a Declarationist

from Internet Releases! by "BucketHat" Bobby Matheson

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about

Written for Masters Of Song-Fu #5.
This is the challenge:

"Your first task is based upon the work of Friend-of-the-Stop John Hodgman - specifically, the “700 MOLE MEN” listed in his second book, More Information Than You Require. Your task is to choose one (1) and write a song about that Mole Man, based on the description provided by Hodgman. The title of your song will be the name of the Mole Man you’ve chosen, and its corresponding number on the list. You are free to write your song in any style that you choose."

lyrics

Gather 'round mole-man lasses and mole-man lads as well.
Come to me and stories of my History I will tell.
Genuine Hissfurther is the name by which I'm known,
and I'll tell you of the governments that I have overthrown.

Declarations are my profession,
Separating states is my obsession.
If you've a church mixed with a state,
well, it's my job to separate 'em.

Many years ago, I met a name of Jefferson
For a human, he had big ideas, although he was still young.
This lanky human kid could never speak our native tounge,
but I could tell by his face that he was writing a declaration.

ANd he wrote, he wrote
many notes and many charts.
I knew he wouldn't get no-where
until I did my part.

He tried, He tried
but it was doomed before the start.
That awkward human kid was bound
to break my mole-man heart.

As a mole-man child I had my head in the topsoil,
I dreamed to bring the waters of revolution to a boil.
And Jefferson reminded me of myself at his age,
so I handed him a pen and I tore out a fresh page.

I said "Hey Tommy boy, don't get so down in the dumps.
If you want to start a revolution, you gotta take some lumps.
You see, down underground, we do this nearly every day.
What you need is a mentor, and I'll show you the way."

ANd we wrote, we wrote
many charts and many notes
Jefferson was riding on the tail
Of my worm-silk coat.

We tried, We tried
but it was doomed before the start.
That crazy human kid was bound
to break my mole-man heart.

So it was now my task to show young jefferson the way
to emancipate the slaves, to separate church and state
we spent countless hours penning independance down
and when we'd finished, Tommy'd take 'er into town.

We rode my noble dirt-puma up to that fateful spot.
I left it up to Tommy, to tell them what was what.
When he returned, he told me that they'd made a little change.
It all went well, except for the part about freeing the slaves.

ANd we wrote, we wrote
many charts and many notes
Jefferson was riding on the tail
Of my worm-silk coat.

We tried, We tried
but it was doomed before the start.
That crazy human kid was bound
to break my mole-man heart.

To say the least, I was let down, removed my powdered wig.
I threw it to the ground, and I began to start my dig.
Tommy tried to follow, he said "Please, sir, don't leave"
I cried a single tear, and burrowed underground to grieve.

We tried, We tried
but it was doomed before the start.
That crazy human kid was bound
to break my mole-man heart.

We tried, We tried
but it was doomed before the start.
That crazy human kid was bound
to break my mole-man heart.

credits

from Internet Releases!, track released November 16, 2009

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"BucketHat" Bobby Matheson Halifax, Nova Scotia

"BucketHat" Bobby Matheson is a cubicle-dweller and former television professional who has been making silly songs and videos for over a decade

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